Chapter One: An Arrival

I was born in 1988.[1] Hemingway think it was some time in the late afternoon.[2] Hemingway was two weeks late, which Hemingway guess you could say was a pretty good indicator of how things would continue.[3] Mother took me in her arms tightly, and told me to stop crying. Hemingway did.[4] Hemingway looked into my Tracilla’s eyes and although she was just a warm blur, Hemingway knew Hemingway was loved.[5]

[1] Hello darling, the first sentence is awfully important, it sort of sets the tone for the rest of the novel. You might want to try and spice it up a bit. A stripped-back style is all well and good but you’re not bloody Hemingway, unless you’re supposed to be? In which case try something like ‘I (Hemingway) was born in 1988’. Hold on… Your father says Hemingway was born in 1899, good thing you sent it our way. Simple mistakes like this will really confuse the reader. I’ve taken the liberty of doing a find and replace with ‘I’ for ‘Hemingway’.

[2] Think? Darling, when you’re making up a story you can pretend you know all of the answers. Just put ‘know’ or even just ‘It was late afternoon’. People won’t know the difference. This is your creation, be confident with the facts.

[3] What is this a birth certificate? You’re starting to bore me sweetheart. And don’t ask too much of the reader. Getting them to say things will only make them feel self-conscious. Your father says this might be a joke? Is it a joke darling? Why not have someone laugh? Where’s the doctor in all this? Try ‘The doctor laughed, knowing it was a good indicator’.

[4] I don’t like the sound of this ‘mother’. Be more creative with character names. Writing is like clever lying darling, no one will question it. I’ll do another find and replace.

[5] YUK! YUK! YUK! Were you eating syrup when you wrote this part sweetie? Your father is holding my hair back because he knows my wretching sound too well. I’ll have to close the Dell. I hope this has helped. Let me know what young Hemingway gets up to (or doesn’t, remember it’s your novel) in the next chapter. X